Z-League: 2025 - Week 06
Well, it took two weeks and the league landscape has shifted dramatically in that time, but we finally got ourselves together over here and are excited to publish the Week 6 Scumbag Report “on time”. This week our league scoring median was 100.88pts which is our lowest of the season so far and was driven by 9 teams scoring under 100pts. Our median victory was 15.36pts, with largest victory of 55.08pts belonging to FC Zane, and the smallest victory of 4.94pts attributed to FC Nathaniel.
🧃 Player Of The Week: FC Lizwe - Bijan Robinson (ATL, RB) 35.8pts
BRL™ 1ST ROUND
DEALS & DENTS
League first round pick tracker
Despite losing league scoring leader, Puka Nacua, in the second quarter of the Ram’s game, FC Zane 🏆🪨🏆 did it again and won their 5th straight game. Behind breakout, Cam Skattebo’s, (NYG, RB) 31pts FC Zane pulled off the largest win of the week, 55.08pts, against FC Frank who’s been no slouch this season. Will FC Zane’s streak and 1st place position continue without Nacua next weekend versus the perpetually underperforming FC Justin?
All time: Zane 2 - Frank 7
FC Jacob continues to mow down the competition and has been averaging 115.17ppg on their 5 game heater following a weekend shoot out with FC Nicholas and walking away with a 15.36pt victory.
All Time: Jacob 6 - Nicholas 4
Mr. Mighty Mighty Cougar aka Mr. Miller Lite aka Mr. Mountain Top aka Booker aka FC Daniel showed no mercy to FC Tyler 👚🪨👚 and with the aid of Josh Jacobs second 30+ point game in a row, handed them their 6th consecutive defeat with a 37.44pt loss. Please consider lighting a candle and making a small donation at your local parish this Sunday for our dear comrade during their dire times.
All time: Daniel 5 - Tyler 2
(SPONSORED CONTENT)
THE BREAKFAST CLUB™
SOUND BITE OF THE WEEK
What happened to that boy??? Despite FC Lizwe’s Player Of The Week, Bijan Robinson’s 35.8pts, FC Alex accomplished what the big bro bros could not and claimed a 11.34pt win. This dub foiled FC Lizwe’s attempt at the Holleran Bro Sweep™ and gave them their second consecutive loss now. FC Alex will have to dig deep again to defend the family name next week as they’ll face FC Jacob who has already taken down FC Tyler and FC Luke this season. 👶🏼 👨🏼🦲 👨🏼
All time: Alex 1 - Lizwe 0
***BONUS CONTENT***
SPONSORED BY: OXFORD DICTIONARY
Sadomasochism - sa·do·mas·o·chism - noun
The derivation of pleasure, often sexual, from inflicting or receiving pain, humiliation, or bondage.
SEE YOU DORKS NEXT WEEK!
Z-League: 2025 - Week 05
Jerry Jones giving a big “thumbs up” to Jets fans after a Cowboys victory in Week 5.
This week’s late Report was sponsored by the University of Mary Washington who called upon on our creative team to assist with their Fall 2025 marketing campaign. It’s good to be busy, but damn we’re looking forward to taking a breath next week.
The league scoring median was 110.26pts, median victory was 21.36pts, the largest victory of 68.6pts was FC Braden, and the smallest victory of 6.54pts was FC Frank.
🧃 Player Of The Week: FC Joel - Rico Dowdle (CAR, RB) 32.4pts
BRL™ 1ST ROUND
DEALS & DENTS
League first round pick tracker
After a dud in week 1, FC Zane 🏆🪨 🏆 has now rattled off four consecutive victories and moved into 1st place of the League after their 21.36pt victory over FC Ray. Through the first five games, FC Zane’s first round pick (12th overall) Puka Nacua, is averaging a league high 26.8pts which will surely aid their cause next weekend against FC Frank.
All Time: Zane 2 - Ray 5
In a battle of the early season titans, FC Jacob made light work of undefeated FC Lizwe and easily handed them their first loss of the season. FC Lizwe scored 41% less points than their season average and which certainly could be a cause for concern heading into their matchup next week against FC Alex with a Holleran Bros™ sweep on the line. 👶🏼 👨🏼🦲 👨🏼
All time: Jacob 1 - Lizwe 0
Another week, another bro on bro crime in the Holleran family. FC Luke didn’t pull any punches in week 5 and scored a league high 144.24pts this week against lil bro bro FC Alex while securing a 27.14pt victory.
All time: Luke 6 - Alex 4
(SPONSORED CONTENT)
HOLLYWOOD PIZZA™
LONG JAWN OF THE WEEK
With 206 yards rushing, three receptions, and one touchdown Uncle RIco Dowdle (CAR, RB) provided FC Joel with perhaps the most unexpected fantasy performance of the year by scoring 32.4pt to help their team hand FC Tyler 👚🪨👚 a 40.84pt loss, their fifth consecutive, and remain winless on the year so far.
All time: Joel 6 - Tyler 2
PEACE OUT, NERDS!
Z-League: 2025 - Week 04
This late, late Week 4 Scumbag Report was sponsored by Tito’s because they had our creative team on set for an absolutely grueling week long marketing production that left us far too gassed to report. That said, this will be an exceptionally brief recap.
The league scoring median was 108.25pts, median victory was 21.96pts, the largest victory of 55.76pts was FC Matt, and the smallest victory of 4.72pts was FC Alex.
🧃 Player Of The Week: FC Zane - Puka Nucua (LAR, WR) 36pts
BRL™ 1ST ROUND
DEALS & DENTS
League first round pick tracker
Previously winless FC Matt got up off the mat (pardon the pun) and earned a decisive victory against FC Joel scoring both the most points of the week, and the season thus far, with 162.24pts on the way to an impressive 55.76pt win.
All time: Matt 7 - Joel 4
Big bro bro FC Tyler 👚🪨👚 came up short yet again this season against a little bro bro, this time suffering the week’s smallest loss, a 4.76pt defeat at the hands of FC Alex. This now leaves FC Tyler in the fateful situation of being the last team in the league still praying for a win.
All Time: Alex 6 - Tyler 5
With nearly more players on IR or Out than active, FC Nathaniel made an incredibly savvy midweek waiver pick up of Woody Marks (Hou, RB) who ended up going to be their team’s high scoring player of the week with a startling 27.9pts and helped secure a sneaky win against the middling FC Justin.
All time: Nathaniel 6 - Justin 2
(SPONSORED CONTENT)
MOUNT CARMEL FITNESS CENTER™
PUMP OF THE WEEK
As we turn the corner on the quarter mark of the season, FC Lizwe 🏆🪨🏆 remains the last undefeated team and continues to flex on the league, this week delivering FC Noah a 20.02pt loss.
All time: Lizwe 1 - Noah 0
"Hasta la vista, baby"
Z-League: 2025 - Week 03
A message from our broadcasters:
With the shocking news that Spectrum is planning to drop over 22 channels, including CornCob TV, 🌽 📺 that means millions of people will no longer be able to see some of their favorite shows. We here at River City Media™, a proud producer of the The Scumbag Recap™,💩 would like to take a moment and pledge our support for CornCob TV. While we don’t know what the future of the media landscape holds in store, we will continue to exercise our 1st Amendment right to deliver very honest, mediocre fantasy football analysis to all you faithful readers.
That said, let us now breakdown the past week’s performances in the ZFL.
Self evidently, we’ve also began to witness the slow demise of our respective rosters, 🤕🩼 as well as the championship hopes of few of our league compatriots. 🥀🪦 #Thoughts&Prayers We currently have two clubs still looking for that sweet, sweet taste of victory, FC Tyler and FC Matt. We had our first, 1st Round draft pick miss a game, FC Mark’s CeeDee Lamb. And, the competitive gulf between the Kielbasa and Pierogi Conference seems to grow larger each passing Sunday.
While the overall league scoring median was a bit down in Week 3 (-6.23pts), we saw a tremendous increase in median victory with it reaching an impressive 43.26pts thanks in part to five victories of more than 40pts, and only two single digit victories, the smallest clocking in at 7.32pts.
🧃 Player Of The Week: FC Justin - Trey Tucker (LV, WR) 40.9pts
BRL™ 1ST ROUND
DEALS & DENTS
League first round pick tracker
Aaaaaand just like that, it’s a new kid on the block, FC Lizwe, 🏆🪨🏆 who remains standing as the last undefeated club after their tilt against FC Luke, who needed just 3.62pts from the Ravens D/ST on MNF for a victory, but ended up receiving a heartbreaking -6pts. With this victory, FC Lizwe is now in league pole position and also 2/3 of the way to the highly lauded Holleran Bros™ season sweep. 👶🏼 👨🏼🦲 👨🏼 Stay tuned in two weeks when they face FC Alex for a chance to close out the sweep. 🧹
All time: Lizwe 1 - Luke 0
Shockingly, the data seems to indicate that fielding a full roster improves a club’s chance at victory. Who could’ve guessed? Who also could’ve guessed that FC Zane’s high scorer of the week would be Minnesota D/ST with an astonishing 32pts and that 36% of their club’s points would come from their D/ST and kicker. FC Mark won’t have long to wallow in their first loss of the season as they will next face Kielbasa Division leader, FC Frank, who’s averaging a league high 125.27ppg.
All time: Zane 1 - Mark 0
FC Alex 🥛 eked out this week’s narrowest win behind 16th overall pick, Jonathan Taylor’s 32.8pts. Through three games Taylor has been trucking along and finding pay dirt like it’s still 2021, averaging a league high 25ppg. Despite starting 0-3 and now taking up residence in the Coal Bin, FC Matt 👚🪨 👚 heads into a Week 4 matchup as a 5.1pt favorite against FC Joel.
All time: Alex 5 - Matt 2
(SPONSORED CONTENT)
VANGUARD™
DIVIDENDS OF THE WEEK
As any trusted fiduciary knows, you can try and play all the highs and lows of the market, but ultimately it’s consistency and persistence that allows you to reach your financial goals. The same can also be said on the pixel gridiron as FC Jacob has proven success against FC Tyler 75% of the time over the last eight seasons, including this week’s 15.34pt victory. Considering their 0-3 start, one does have to begin to wonder how FC Tyler’s Oktoberfest hangover will effect their play on the field this weekend.
All time: Jacob 8 - Tyler 4
*** BONUS TRIVIA QUESTION: Name the only player to have been drafted in 1st round every year of Zlockie FFL (2018-Present)
Bis später & Viel Glück!
Z-League: 2025 - Week 02
Len Dawson with a cigarette and a beer during halftime of Super Bowl I (1967)
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em boys!
Our little editorial team here at the Zlockie Zone went on a bit of a bender this past weekend and largely missed most of the live action so there won’t be too many call backs or clever chirps this week. However, we are already starting to see some trends form this season: FC Luke looks formidable, the newcomers are still undefeated, and the Mount Carmel Zlockie’s left the Coal Bin light on, again.
Week 2 scoring median was up about 10pts from last week to 112.23ppg. The median margin of victory was 23.08pts, with the largest win being by 52.78pts and the smallest victory by 7.4pts. And lastly, the player of the week was from FC Frank, with Amon-Ra St. Brown scoring an impressive 39.2pts.
BRL™ 1ST ROUND
DEALS & DENTS
League first round pick tracker
In a battle of the bro bros, Bucknell’s finest, FC Joel, did their best tried hard against Kutztown’s finest, FC Daniel, but found themselves on the wrong side of the scorecard this week losing by 21.72pts. FC Daniel’s first round pick, De’von Achane, put up another impressive week despite all the blood in the water around Miami right now. With this loss, FC Joel, the reigning Coal Bin Champion, 👚🪨👚 moves into an unenviable position starting off the season 0-2 and is averaging a league low 80.89ppg so far.
All time: Joel 6 - Daniel 4
Despite a pre season ranking of 16th, FC Luke 🏆🪨🏆 has now ascended 13 spots in the ESPN power rankings and jumped out to the lead in the Pierogi Conference after handing FC Braden a 41.5pt beatdown. Next week there looks to be an early match up of potential divisional power houses as FC Luke takes on #2 FC Lizwe (2-0), who will enter the game as -6.9pt underdogs.
All time: Braden 5 - Luke 4
Freshman club, FC Mark, and their fledgling coach, Jon, have started the season 2-0 after a close 7.4pt win this week against FC Eric. Promisingly, FC Mark had three players score over 20pts, with standout production coming courtesy of the club’s 137th pick, Tyler Kraft (TE, Green Bay), who secured six of seven targets for 124 yards and a touchdown in the Packers' 27-18 win over the Commanders on Thursday night.
All time: Mark 1 - Eric 0
(SPONSORED CONTENT)
SHIMKO’S DAIRY™
PINT OF THE WEEK
Kielbasa Division leader, FC Noah, was granted a familial booster visit in Orono, Maine this weekend and besides replenishing the chocolate milk supply, they also scored the largest win of the fantasy weekend with a 52.74pts, victory against FC Justin. As if the sting of the loss, and losing Toe Burrow for at least 3 months wasn’t enough, FC Justin also suffered the unique indignity of being heckled by FC Noah’s Team Mom on the way to the bus. #Sheeeesh
All time: Noah 6 - Justin 3
BING BONG!
(SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, hopefully.)
Z-League: 2025 - Week 01
Like the esteemed wordsmith Project Pat once said, "you gotta take the good with the bad" and that's just what the long anticipated opening week delivered to us on the pixel gridiron. We had an interesting first game across the league in many ways and after all the early chatter about how low nfl/fantasy scoring was in week 1, our league median score ended up 102.75ppg, which is just 0.11ppg lower than the 2024 season and no where close to our all time week 1 low in 2023 of 94.2ppg.
Now, the good, bad, and ugly of week 1…
BRL™ 1ST ROUND
DEALS & DENTS
League first round pick tracker
It seems natural that we should give the first shout out to the Big Jefe Of The Week, FC Luke, who not only survived the classic CMC “will he/won’t he play?” pregame heart palpitations, but then went on to reach team high score of the week crushing FC Tyler 136.12 vs 104.42. As any good ol’ brotherly rivalry tends to go, they’ve had a very even matchup through the years, but this victory nudges little big brother FC Luke ahead in their all time series.
All time: Luke 5 - Tyler 4
After finally breaking FC Nathaniel’s 5 game win streak last season, FC Eric needed just 7.96 points on MNF from Adam Thielen against his own beloved Chicago Bears, but was left disappointed to both see Minnesota’s 4th quarter comeback, and lose their own game 105.72 vs 99.76 after only 2pts from Thielen. All time: Nate 5 - Eric 1
In a battle for Western PA bragging rights, league newcomer, FC Lizwe, got off to a strong start with their #1 draft pick, Bijan Robinson, scoring 24.4pts in a 12.86pt win against 2018 inaugural season champion FC Matt, 108.81 - 95.94.
All time: Lizwe 1 - Matt 0
(SPONSORED CONTENT)
CONEY ISLAND™
CHILI DOG OF THE WEEK
FC Zane 🌭 set a new land speed league record for earliest week to not roster a full team and unsurprisingly their team did not fare well against the Colorado Kids, FC Nicholas. With a final score of 109.58 - 71.12, the 38.46pt margin of victory was the largest of the week and promptly positions FC Zane into early competition for this season’s coal bin Champion with a league low week score of 71.12pts. 👚🪨👚 All time: Nicholas 6 - Zane 6
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK BEAUTIFUL NERDS!
(hopefully)
Z-League: 2025 - Season VIII
Guess who's back, back again....
Hello all you lovable scumbags and welcome to Season 8 of the Zlockie Fantasy Football League where we'll cheer, jeer, complain about healthy players stashed on IR, and generally trash talk our way through to the anointing of the lauded Tiny Trophy 🏆🪨🏆 and dreaded Pink Shirt 👚🪨👚 of familial shame.
This season we welcome two new football clubs to the league, FC Lizwe and FC Mark & Jon. For their benefit, and the rest of our Miller Lite™ 🍺 addled brains, here's a brief league recap since its immaculate 🙏 inception in 2018:
The league started in 2018 in Kulpmont, PA with 14 teams and in 2019 added the expansion teams, FC Justin and FC Nathaniel. The first league champion was FC Matt and a namesake Zlockie has yet to won the Tiny Trophy. FC Luke is the reining champion, and FC Noah is the only multiple time winner, 2023 and 2020. Astoundingly, we've already had one team that’s won both the Tiny Trophy and the Pink Shirt, FC Eric, which occurred humbly on back to back seasons, going first to worst in 2021 to 2022. The current lovable coal bin dweller and Pink Shirt champion is, FC Joel. Lastly, only one team in league history has won the Pink Shirt multiple times, FC Alex, in 2020 and 2019.
The league's current Knoebels™🎠 all time high and low water marks are:
*PRE-EXPANSION 2018
Highest team score: 202.42pts - 2018 week 8 - FC Daniel vs FC Luke (202.42 - 100.84)
Largest victory: 132.72pts - 2018 week 11 - FC Frank vs FC Tyler (197.12 - 64.4)
Lowest team score: 42.42pts - 2018 week 1 - FC Zane vs FC Nicholas ( 113.2 - 42.42)
Smallest victory: 0.06pts - 2018 week 16 - FC Zane vs FC Nicholas (93.4 - 93.34)
Best record: *TIE - 9-4 (0.692%) - 2018 FC Frank & FC Matt
Reg season win streak: 5 - 2018 - FC Braden
Worst record: 2-11 (0.153%) - 2018 - FC Nicholas
Reg season loss streak: (reg. season): 6 - 2018 - FC Nicholas
*POST EXPANSION 2019-2024
Highest team score: 196.02pts - 2022 week 2 - FC Braden vs FC Luke (196.02 - 85.7)
Largest victory: 110.32pts - 2022 week 2 - FC Braden vs FC Luke (196.02 - 85.7)
Lowest team score: 33.5pts - 2020 week 4 - FC Zane vs FC Alex (97.58 - 33.5)
Smallest victory: 0.04pts - 2024 week 14 - FC Luke vs FC Noah (95.46 - 95.42)
Best record: 11-2 (0.846%) - 2020 - FC Frank
Reg season win streak: 9 - 2020 - FC Frank
Worst record: 3-10 (0.231%) - 2019 FC Alex
Reg season loss streak: *TIE - 8 - 2024 FC Joel, 2023 FC Eric, 2022 FC Zane, 2019 FC Daniel